(Sir David John White OBE: Very, very sorry and bad at joke telling. You Plonker!!)An Actor that everyone was convinced had popped his clogs years ago has publicly apologised for telling a joke.
The 69 year old thesp, Sir David John White OBE, aka David Jason, aka Danger Mouse was best known previously for the so called funniest moment in British comedy. The Infamous Del Boy falls over at the bar scene. A scene so hilarious that Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II was rushed to King Edward VII Hospital with a suspected ruptured farting string after seeing it.
Now the joke seems to be on the ageing star after he told a bad joke to a bloke called Christian O'Connell who apparently has a Radio Show. Quoth Sir David. "What do you call a Pakistani cloakroom attendant....? Mahatma Coat." The joke was immediately pulled from the broadcast but then placed on the podcast, presumably as it would become less bad if they done that. Millions of people from all over the world, none of whom were Pakistani as they were busy avoiding death by terrorism, then rang in to complain.
Speaking from his Castle in Nuremberg Del Boy gave the following apology: "I am deeply, deeply embarrassed and ashamed. Of course now I realise that the the guy in the joke was supposed to be Indian not Pakastani, I offer my sincere apologies to Pakistanis, Indians and fans of Christmas cracker type jokes alike. It completely ruined the punchline and I regret that. Whaaat a Plonker!" At that he solemnly turned and fell over at the bar.
Former comedian and fat racist, Bernard Manning was the first to condemn the Joke from beyond the grave. Speaking through camp scouse fuck wit medium Derek Acorah, he told The Satire ." While I was alive and doing comedy at the Embassy Club I told fookin' loads of gags about Pakistanis. Now I'm up in heaven I realise I was wrong. Seventeen of the cunts live next door to me up here and they are fantastic. David Jason? What a fookin ham. Any cunt knows it's supposed to be an Indian bloke in that gag. Making him Pakistani is not funny, and out of date, hahahahaha...." he tailed off.
King of nostalgic comedy, and star of Countdown's Dictionary Corner, Richard Digance said. " I think that's a horrible joke. Here's one. What do you call a Pakistani cloakroom attendant? A very nice man and a damn good bloke who works bloody hard."
Up and down the streets of Britain people spoke out in condemnation. "Am absolutely shocked so am ur!" Gasped regular Satire rent-a-quote Maureen McGlinchie of Parkhead. "I thought he was pan bread years ago."
Recently unemployed Frankie Douglas from Partick fumed at the outrage. " When I saw that Del Boy sketch the first time I pissed myself so much my bladder exploded out my cock like driver's airbag. The Wife was laughing so long and loud I had to punch her into a coma to get her to stop. Now that I know he is a vile racist, I will no longer be sitting for hours in bars in Spanish tourist traps, watching endless repeats of the show."
Ophelia Cuntington-Smythe(36) speaking from her cottage in the Cotswolds nowhere near any black or Asian people commented. "I think immigrants get a hard enough time without this. I have a Philippino maid, an Albanian gardener and a lovely Polish lad who comes to clean my pipes. All three of them work for peanuts. It's Divine. I think more immigrants should come here, as I have loads of dog shit from my poodles I need cleaned up. Come one, come all I say. Especially as they can't afford to live round here."
Christian O'Connell was available for comment all day, but we couldn't be arsed talking to him.
