Partridge On ... Cartridge!
"Hello, I'm TV's Alan Partridge and it was whilst lying here in my hospital bed recovering from a rather nasty fall that I first re-discovered my enormous love of The Cartridge."
"It was while listening to the Hospital Radio station here that I first had the idea. It really was shit. I mean, absolutely diabolical. The guy really didn't know how to 'link and chat, link and chat' and I thought to myself, 'I could ruddy well do that!' "
"I said to myself, 'we've got one of the nations very best broadcasters lying here unused while that ... Useless shit, pollutes the airwaves with his ... Shit."
"I mean, most of them are on heavy medication anyway, so you could pump any old rubbish in through the cans and they wouldn't even notice. But it did get me thinking back to my own early start in hospital radio all those years ago."
"And here's the point I was coming to - we had to play the music from cartridges back then - 8-track cartridges. None of your fancy digital whatsits and whatnots. Just you, the contents of your head, a well-thumbed copy of Giles Brandreth's pocket puns and your music cartridges ..."
"They really are a marvellous little invention. Whether used to store a rockin' good Wings or Rod Stewart album, or as the robust outer-housing for your trusty dot matrix printer ink - they really are quite quite wonderful little things."
"So join me as I enter the fascinating little world of the cartridge! In 'Partridge On ... Cartridge' "
"Sunday nights, 9pm. BBC One. Prime time. Full details to be confirmed. I mean, it'll definitely be on the Beeb somewhere .."
Only available through mail-order. See ad below for details.
Please Note - This series is only currently available on 8-track cartridge.
And until that happens, you can still join Alan for this unique 12-part documentary as he talks about one of his latest passions in this stunning new series.
Read on for a sneak preview, as Alan bravely begins filming as the ambulance men stretcher him into the Accident & Emergency Unit of Norwich General Hospital ...
ALAN: I'm Alan Partridge. And you may not know this, but I have always been fascinated by Cartilage - the, ooh how could I put it, the flexible connective tissue found in many areas in the bodies of humans and other animals, including the joints between bones, the rib cage, the ear, the nose, the bronchial tubes and the intervertebral discs."
AMBULANCE MAN: Try not to speak please, Mr Partridge. Just keep breathing into the oxygen mask. That's right.
ALAN: So come with me now on a journey into the world of the fascinating world - of the Cartilage!"
SECURITY GUARD: Sorry Mate, you can't film in here.
ALAN: Oh for fuck's sa - ...Ow! Cartilige!
Be one of the first lucky readers to own this unique and fascinating series on high-quality stereo video cassette*.
Currently only available by mail-order.
(See The North Norfolk Free Advertiser, back-page classified ads for glorious full colour details.)
* DVD copies also available for a hefty additional charge.