Welcome to Paedo-Filey!

The sleepy British seaside resort of Filey in North Yorkshire has shocked the surrounding towns and villages with the decision to re-name the town "PAEDO-FILEY - Home of the Paedophile!"

The name change is the latest work by cuntroversial conceptual artist Damien Hirst whose philosophy ('I am an an artist - therefore everything I do is art!)' meant that when local mayor Davie Donaldson approached Hirst for a work of art to raise the town's profile, Hirst came up with the clever idea of a re-branding.

"I'm not an artist myself so I can't say I fully understand the entire concept" said Mr Donaldson, "But it must be art. I mean, Mr Hirst says it is and he should know - he's an artist."

"The thing is, it's been great for putting Filey back on the map. People now drive for up to 600 miles to vandalise the sign, throw stones through residents windows and even shit on my dead mother's grave. But more than 40% of them then stop off for high tea or fish & chips on the seafront. And you can't argue with numbers like that."

Residents of nearby Illfracombe, who have this week installed a giant 600 feet statue of Jimmy Saville with his cock out were said to be livid.

" Bunch of smart-arse cunts" said local Illfracombe artist Charles Mingles. " I came up with the Jimmy Saville idea to get us in the papers and then these cunts pull this stunt out of the bag. I wish I'd thought of this."

"And another thing, I know for a fact that there are far more paedophiles in Illfracoombe than there are in Filey. I know at least a dozen personally. So I find their claim to be 'The HOME of the Paedophile' spurious at best."

"In fact I'm thinking of taking the whole thing to the European Court of Human Rights. Let's get the police going through the hard-drives and we'll see just who can deliver the numbers!"

Mr Mingles' bloodied and beaten body was found hanging from the 'Welcome to Illfracombe' sign yesterday morning.

Tourist figures are already up 80%.

Paedo-Filey mayor Davie Donaldson told us, "This latest piece of nonsense with Mingles' body hanging from the town sign has already started to eat into our numbers.Thank God they never had the idea to drape his corpse over Sir Jimmy's erect cock, that would surely have finished us off!"

Mr Donaldson denied rumours that he was now considering commissioning a nude 600 ft statue of the Hairy Cornflake, Dave Lee 'Quack Quack Oops' Travis. "No, we will definitely not be considering that option. I mean, there have to be standards you know."