Geeks, pedants and trainspotters worldwide are cock-a-hoop today as a brand new pointless social networking site is launched.
Sitting Happily In The Toilet Existentially Remonstrating or Shitter to it's fans, went online at 06:00 GMT accompanied by a mass band of Tubas playing ELP's Fanfare for the Common Man. In honour of the auspicious occasion. The singer and song writer Kate Melua released a special Edition of her hit single,This is the Closest Thing to Crazy, on which she farts out the tune by placing one hand in her armpit, flapping her opposite elbow frantically. No mean feat to achieve, let alone describe without footage.
First to sign up was well known polymath,wit and huffy twat Stephen Fry. " Oh I know all the Jeremiah's and Luddites out there will be throwing up there hands in despair saying 'oh whats the bloody point', but I for one can tell them it's tremendous fun and highly informative. Certainly not as nasty and vindictive as Twitter."
Stephen as a wit and Shitter, or Shitwit as they are known. Hopes to Shite at least twenty times a day. A typical example could look like this:
07:45 GMT . Morning Shitters. Just logging on and out...haha...regular as clockwork me...NNnnngggg..Ahhhhh...bit solid this morning...to much....Nnggggggg roughage I fear..I notice Gordon Brown...NNNnnnnnnn...CCCHhhrist!!! ...Oh bother there's somebody at the door.
08:01 GMT . Back again...Bloody postman..here we go...maybe this time...Aaaaaarrrgghhh NNNNNggg...Jesus the unholy stench.....I really must purchase some laxative...at my age it's ... UUUUUUUUUgghhhhh..God help me.... feels like a bowling ball....I see Westminster Abbey has a new....AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHh.....At last...sweet relief....Fuck..forgot to buy bog roll...have to do the penguin walk to the kitchen now. Back soon.
Following Stephen's endorsement other celebrities are queuing up to keep the world appraised of their bowel movements, interspersed with plops of rapier sharp social comment.
I know this reporter has signed up to Lily Allen's. Hopefully there's a webcam.