(Left: Our artist's impression of the alleged occurrence)
(Right: Meerkat in more familiar looking around nervously mode)
A Glasgow man "couldnae fuckin believe it" , when he went away from his television set for a minute to have a pish and something allegedly happened.
Frankie Douglas(31) an electrician from Partick had been half way through his umpteenth boring episode of The BBC's Meerkat Diaries when he decided it was fairly safe to go for slash.
" I was half way through my umpteenth boring episode when I thought 'Fuck this bollocks I'm gonnae have a pish'. I just lobbed oot ma boaby an started to pee when my girlfriend Mags started shouting an bawling an doin her nut. 'Hurry up! Wan ae yon rats is daen somethin.' Of course I thought she was kidding me on. But she swears blind that wan ae thae we bastards done somethin unusual the minute ma back was turned. Fuckin typical. Hour after bastard hour of watching the we cunts daein nine tenths of shag all, an the split second a look away somethin supposedly happened. Thank fuck I don't pay ma licence fee."
Sir Richard Attenborough(103) speaking exclusively to The Satire said, " I know fuck all about Meerkats, sorry luvvy, I think you should Speak to my brother."
Sir David Attenborough(101) speaking exclusively to The Satire said, " Holy Jesus! Meerkats! Don't talk to me about Meerkats. I've got the bastards coming out my arse. If you think watching them is a cunt. Try filming the twats. I'd wipe them out. Thank fuck I don't pay my licence fee."
The Satire is offering a free years subscription to anyone with any evidence of Meerkats doing anything other than running about furtively , eating an insect, or looking around the place.