Loyal Orange Lodge of Scotland Pledge Allegiance to AntiChrist

Members on a recent fun run in aid of domestic violence victims. LOL

Following the recent announcement by their Royal Highnessesssess The Duke and Duchess of Kent that they are about to give birth to The Son of Perdition. 

The Grand Orange Lodge of Scotland grand Master, Mr William Drumcree has been the first to pledge their allegiance.

"LET US BE THE FIRST TO SWEAR OUR ETERNAL ALLEGIANCE!!! LOL" Bellowed the Grand Master of the order. "NO SURRENDER TO THE FORCES OF KING JAMES, NEIL LENNON, DANIEL O'DONNELL, AND POTPOURRI. LOL" He continued to rant in the face of our reporter.

Asked whether the Loyal Orange Lodge ,LOL, would find a contradiction in this given their "biblical" stance on things Mr. Drumcree replied, 

"THE LOYAL ORANGE LODGE, LOL, SEE NO PROBLEM WITH THIS PROVIDING HIS INFERNAL MAJESTY MAKES NO ATTEMPT TO MARRY A CATHOLIC, OR PREVENT US MARCHING UP AND DOWN THE PLACE PLAYING FLUTES ETC. LOL. OH AND BY THE WAY I DO NOT FIND THE ABBREVIATING OF OUR ORDER'S NAME TO THE TERM LOL REMOTELY FUNNY. OR ANYTHING ELSE FOR THAT MATTER. WITH THE EXCEPTION OF MAYBE A BURNING CHAPEL. THE LOL WILL MARCH UP AND DOWN BANGING DRUMS AND KEEPING AWAKE ANYONE WHO DOES SO. SOME MISGUIDED MEMBERS MAY EVEN ROUGH YOU UP. SO BE WARNED!!!! LOL!"

The new Archbishop of Canterbury, Marcus Welby (56) has also confirmed that this would pose no difficulties for the C of E.

"The C of E have no difficulties with the ascension to the throne of the Prince of Darkness. We are a broad church here and as long as he doesn't try to ordain a Buffty bishop or put a stop to the true work of the church, ie. coffee mornings, garden fetes, toddler groups etc. I'm chillaxed about it. Amen!"

Duchess of Kent Gives Birth to Antichrist

An Annoucement from St James Palace, From the Desk of Their Royal Highnesses, The Duke & Duchess of Kent

The Duke and Duchess of Kent are proud to announce the forthcoming birth of the Antichrist, The Great Counterfeiter, Satan  (Hebrew: הַשָּׂטָן ha-Satan, "the opposer"), Shaitan, Beelzebub. Although Wills & Kate thought Henry for a boy or Victoria for a girl sounded catchier.

Lucifer, The Great Beast, will be spewed into the world on Christmas Eve by blunt Caesarian Section in wry mocking of the Holy Season and the celebrations of the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ.

And the Waters shall Runneth with Blood. And there Shall be Great Famine, Dis-ease and Pestilence. And there Shall be Fucketh-all on telly worth watching, as usual.

Our First Born Son, Heir to the Throne of England and all of her Colonies, Abomination of Desolation & The Great Whore of Babylon shall take his throne almost immediately, after opening his Anti-Christ-Mass presents and the traditional festive turkey with all the trimmings; before setting forth upon a ten-thousand-year reign of terror and disorder to strike fear and sickening dread into the heart of good Christian men and women across the Land.

Cya! Wouldn't Wanna Be Ya!

Luv Wills & Kate
xxx


The Antichrist's proclamation will go ahead instead of the usual Queen's Speech on Christmas Day afternoon.

(Except for viewers in Scotland, who have their own programmes.)

Some other programmes in the schedule following The Apocalypse may be delayed, although the Strictly Come Dancing On Ice Christmas Special will go ahead as planned.