|Chris Moyles boring himself shitless on Radio 1|
Scandal erupted yet again at the BBC yesterday as it emerged their former breakfast show star and bad boy Chris Moyles was the latest ex Radio 1 DJ arrested on abuse charges.
It is alleged that Mr. Moyles (38) regularly abused millions of people on a daily basis. Police sources claim that the toll may be as high as a staggering 8 million listeners between 1998 and 2012, before finally someone realised he was utter shite.
One alleged victim of Moyles' vile abuse was a young lady who was only 12 at the time of his predatory and sickening broadcasts. The woman who would only give her name as Miss X, told The Satire!
"I was alone in my bedroom early one morning. I had been feeling lonely and a bit depressed. I awoke to find that foul man forcing his attention upon me out of my radio alarm clock. I pleaded for him to stop, but the beast kept on and on and on until I managed to stretch over and pull the plug out. God only knows what would have happened had my arms not been long enough to resist his advances."
Another victim of portly presenter, Satire contributor Mr. C. Mingles(50), claimed
"I see his fat sweaty five o'clock be shadowed face bearing down on me at night. Spouting cockney, cheeky chappy, barra boy bollocks as his sycophantic co-presenters egg him on. The crappy music. It's monstrous."
A spokesman for the BBC hit back today. "This really has nothing to do with us. All we had to work on was rumour and innuendo. Christ alive! Do you honestly think any of us actually listened to his show?"
Chris Moyles was available for comment all day yesterday, as he had ran out of new Carphone Warehouses to open up. But frankly we've heard quite enough of him thank you very fucking much.