Thursday, 15 November 2012

Ahoy Mateys!

The government have today announced that they plan to re-commission Radio Caroline as a floating prison ship for 1970's Radio 1 DJ's.

"Let's face it, with Sir Jimmy Saville and some other high-profile disc jockey's now allegedly accused of quite serious crimes, we estimate that once the Police are finished we'll need a whole seperate prison just to keep the dirty old fuckers in ," said Home Secretary Teresa May.

" Of course, we can't just let them mingle with normal prisoners, doing funny voices, playing pranks on each other and inflicting 'Billy Don't Be A Hero' on the poor bastards. They've already suffered enough. Radio Caroline seemed like the obvious solution!"

The Satire believes the ship will first be towed out in to open water where they can sail the high seas playing Gary Glitter records, broadcasting irritatingly unfunny comedy sound FX and giving each other hoax phone calls to their hearts content. But thankfully this time - no other bastard will have to listen to it.

With his job on 'This Morning' now on a shoogly nail, it is believed that Pip Schofield has offered his services as Prison Warder.


Anonymous said...

I find this article very offensive.

I'll have you know that I personally abused hundreds of kids in the 1970's and no one's invited me onto any big ship for a party on the high Seas.

Why myself, Lord (name removed for legal reasons), The Very Reverend(name removed for legal reasons) and the Right Honourable(name removed for legal reasons)MP were giving it up the shitter to 12-15 schoolboys 24/7 right through the 70's with nere a thought to our own comfort - and no one's invited us onto anything.

I'm gutted.

Yours The Right Dr(name removed for legal reasons) Bishop of (name removed for legal reasons)

Thumper said...

I hear that they created something similar when they wanted to remove these DJs from Radio 1 back in the 90s. Apparently they created a fictitious FM radio station called "Smooth FM" where they could go and play Bryan Adams records and read out letters about people's fiancees contracting terminal illnesses. It was all so lifelike the DJs had no idea they weren't actually broadcasting to anyone.

Tom Laird said...

That's Enough paedophiles.


Tom Laird said...

Brilliant Thumps.

If only I could have thought of that one. Put it in spoof news article form, and placed it on some sort of satirical blog.

Charlie Mingles said...

Jings, a actual reader!

Its a while since Ive seen one of those. it almost inspires me to produce more fine pieces of investigate journalism like the one above. but probably not.

Thumper, welcome sir. come in, slip of your shoes and make yourself at home ...