|Just look at him....... Fucking devoid|
Satire Editor in Chief and self proclaimed satirical wunderkind Tom Laird, confessed privately to "Not having the foggiest scooby" about what his next article was going to be about.
The 47 year old dead beat told himself in the mirror, after waking up from a four day drinking binge that would have shamed Oliver Reid, "Laird you are fucking dead loss and a waste of rations."
He proceeded to gibber on..
"Look ya beardy fuckwit. It's nearly 2015 and your contribution to the world of on line humour is a grand total of four, yeah that's right, you heard, FOUR poxy articles. Hardly P.J O'Rourke or Richard Ingrams are you ya dick?"
Punching himself in the face several times he then slavered..
"Yeah I know all about your 'ideas'. We've all got ideas. How about getting them off of bits of bus ticket, post it notes, beer mats and sweety papers and actually onto your blog ya knob? LOOK!! look at this. 'David Cameron to Introduce Duck Insurance' I mean WTF!? Or this here.. 'Ian Paisley to Give Up Bellowing For Lent' .By fuck has that bus left. The man's deid two years for fucksakes. Sort yourself out."
Emerging haggard, bruised and gaunt from the 46 minute berating Mr. Laird announced..
"I can exclusively reveal that my genius will return shortly. There's a new hilarious article formulating as I speak. Fuck knows what it's going to be about. Probably feminism again. That's easy."
All Mr. Lairds fan (27) was unimpressed