Wednesday, 28 July 2010

ADVERTISING FEATURE



Milfs&Booze Anti Romance bring you.........

Gentlemen. Sick and tired to your swollen bollocks of the old ball and chain sticking her neb in to every aspect of your life. Are you a non threatening platonic fuckwit hanging round the object of your desire like a sex starved albatross, pandering to her every ridiculous whim in the vain hope she might one day let you fiddle with her lady bits? Then you need to ...Tell Her to Fuck Right Off!! In no uncertain terms.
But Wait!! We hear you whimper. "I'm an Invertebrate softcock. A spineless goon of a manhole who long ago lost any ability to stand up for myself. I couldn't possibly do that. Besides...isn't it illegal?
NO! It bloody well isn't. Not yet anyway. Chapter by chapter and page by page with stunning illustrations, let Dr. Laird (University Of Nigeria) guide you through the liberating process of regaining your manhood, your dignity and your bank account.
LEARN. The forgotten art of Telling Her to Fuck Right Off!! In 16 Languages including : English, German,French, Japanese, Mandarin, Fujian, Gaelic, Serbo-Croat, Mongolian, Sindebele, Kiswahili and San Bushman.
GRASP. The skills and sheer chutzpah needed to Tell Her to Fuck Right Off!! In those delicate situations such as:
Tell Her to Fuck Right Off! At the Altar in front of her assembled family and idiot friends.
Tell Her to Fuck Right Off! When she needs 10 Grand for Tit surgery.
Tell Her to Fuck Right Off! When she has the cancer and looks like Anne Widdecombe's Gran.
Tell Her to Fuck Right Off! When she's six months up the duff.
Yes! It's all here. For the paltry sum of £25.00 plus £2.99 for no other reason other than we just thought it up. YOU CAN HAVE YOUR LIFE BACK. Lovingly bound in the cheapest compressed cardboard and beautifully adorned in a photo pilfered off the internet, THTFRO will brighten up your bookshelf or porn pile and be the talk of your local neighborhood watch harridans .
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Print off and tear.
Dear The Satire,
Please rescue me from my life of utter shite and drudgery by rushing me a copy of the excellent Tell Her to...In a plain package preferably to a single mate's house as the missus/ girlfriend will fuckin kill me if she finds out.
I enclose £27.99 in postal orders as again she can't find out about it.
FALSE NAME..............................
MATE'S ADDRESS...............................
POST CODE.............................
MOBILE NUMBER...........................

Thanks Lads.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

I just received my copy of TELL HER TO FUCK RIGHT OFF!! By T.Laird. The man's a genius. If only I'd read this book years ago I could have saved myself a lot of agro and a fortune.
Thankfully the 5th woman in my life is a fantastic woman who understands me and has made me so happy blah blah fuckin blah

J. Cleese
Somewhere in La La Land

Anonymous said...

excellent - two copies please!

nursemyra said...

When were you in Nigeria?

Tom Laird said...

Many a time nursie,

didn't you get all my emails asking for your bank details?

x