"DON'T CALL ME BARONESS!" Screams Baroness

Baroness Davidson trying not to be Baronessy

A Woman of size went absolutely spare yesterday when a passerby called her a Baroness.

Baroness "anything for a photo op" Davidson (42) was posing for press pictures outside Holyrood dressed as a Matador and juggling bulls testicles on a Segway when an older person walked past and said "morning Baroness, at it again I see" while waving. 

The Woman, Flora MacTights (81) of Duddingston, was treated to a bellowing from the Baroness as she roared "DON'T CALL ME BARONESS YOU ELITIST AULD COW!!! "

"Alright, take a chill pill Mrs." Retorted the shocked octogenarian, as she fell backwards with her Zimmer frame.

"AND DON'T CALL ME MRS!" The Baroness spat furiously while giving the biddy a finishing blow to the sciatic nerve with a low kick. "MY CHOSEN PRONOUN IS J{O*(T^)&DOCFYL"

Later the Mrs MacTights was bundled into a police van and charged with an offence under the Hate Crime and Public order act.

The Baroness explained..

"What kind of sicko goes around calling a Baroness a baroness? I'm just the wee lassie from Fife via Selkirk and have worked tirelessly to shed this tory stereotype of privilege by going to Sandhurst being an Honorary Colonel and getting myself a Seat in the House of Lords. I don't need this shit."

The Baroness, who can claim up to £305 per day for sitting on a comfy chair in an unelected elitist institution, then went back to her photo shoot cartwheeling through an inflatable paddling pool of spaghetti hoops. 

The Baroness is available for Dog Walking.

NEXT: New Judge goes Radge at lawyer for calling him "M'Lud"