Monday, 8 September 2008

Local Woman Claims Satire Saved Her Life

( Pictured: a non-digitally-enhanced photo of the woman in question)

by science editor, Dr Charles Mingles
A Kirkcaldy woman has contacted us here at The Satire to inform us that merely by having our site on her favoured blogs listings, her terminal illness has completely disappeared.

This doesn't surprise us here at The Satire, as we've long been aware of the healing power of laughter. One of our junior staff fondly remembers being kicked unconscious by the school bully every morning and its associated recuperative effects.
'As he repeatedly battered me in the bollocks with his size 12 black brogues and I slowly drifted off into unconsciousness, I remember noticing the rest of the school standing behind him laughing uncontrollably. What wonderful healing power that laughter must have had. I hardly ever need to use my adult incontinence pants these days.'

The Satire today makes a pledge to you, our loyal readers. Merely by putting a link to our site on your own, we guarantee that any afflictions you are suffering from will instantly and miraculously disappear.
And ladies, just touching the screen whilst viewing The Satire site for a few minutes every day, can increase your breast size by up to 8 cup-sizes. So please do use this power wisely*
Additionally, you can hold batteries and watches towards the screen and repeat loudly three times the mantra, 'Oh sweet mighty lords of mirth and frivolity, please heal this consumer durable.'
For maximum healing-power, this works best if you are standing on your desk and are surrounded by workmates pointing and laughing.
Remember, the power of laughter may be awesome. But the power of ridicule can move mountains.
(* this pledge is entirely worthless. We can't even get our paragraphs to look right - ed)


MD said...

I didn't realise Minglesitis was terminal! What a relief there's a cure.

suzyfoxx said...

Wow. i just tried that Charlie. It works. not that I need mine any bigger like.