Saturday, 8 November 2008

Kirkcaldy Finally Returns Brown's Calls

Add Video( Above: Gordon Brown: Making an arse of things at a BNP meeting by mistake.  And: Wee Gordy: Dogging double Maths in his Youth)

After nearly two years, almost 19,000 texts and a staggering 8,000 messages left on answering machines, Kirkcaldy has finally acknowledged the PM.
Kirkcaldy's Provost Gerry MacFlounder seated underneath a giant makeshift picture of the PM, speaking exclusively, and a bit like private Fraser from Dads Army, to The Satire explained.
 "We all love Gordon here in Kirkcaldy. He's frae here ye ken that son? We're a' affy proud o him.
His faither wis a meenister ye ken. Oh aye we're a fond o' oor Gordy as we like to call him again round this wiy."
These comments were echoed through the streets and amusement arcades of the Kingdom of Fife's bustling metropolis today from young and old alike. Mrs Margaret McHairnet(58) said of him, "Mister Broon is an inspiration to my four grandsons who all took up heroin addiction during his tenure. Thanks to him there's no shortage of squats for them to live in. A blessing on his sonsie face.......Dae ye fancy a shag son? £ 10."
Wattie Payton(23), speaking outside one of the towns many new Cash Converter stores proclaimed. "We were all shite-ing a brick there for a while, thinking that Kirkcaldy's favourite son might be a bit of an erse as well as making a giant cunt of the economy an that, but thanks to  what ever it was he done we all think he is great again." Behind him the entire population of Kirkcaldy broke out in a huge chorus of "A Gordon for me."
Things however, were not always thus. Barely 3 months ago it was near impossible to find a single soul in Fife let alone Kirkcaldy to even let on he existed.
"Gordon who? Brown...brown....brown...mmm  no definately no. Try next door." Said his parents from the steps of their humble manse.
Unconfirmed reports from sources inside Kirkcaldy Town Hall claimed that the phone was "ringing off the hook day and night. We all knew it was him, even though he would withold his number and sometimes even pretend to be a double glazing salesman to anyone stupid enough to pick up the receiver. We were under strict instructions to rubber ear the cunt. "
Provost MacFlounder nervously laughed off the allegations. "Not at all, not at all." He quipped while scrubbing anti Brown graffiti off the Town hall steps. "That was all a big misunderstanding. We thought it was another Prime Minister Gordon Brown from Kirkcaldy entirely."

Gordon Brown was unavailable for comment as he was on a Giant yacht with Duncan Bannatyne and some Russians.


Charlie Mingles said...

marvelous sir. I look forward to your next post - in another three months.

Anonymous said...

by the way, the cunt was actually born in your neck of the woods:

We just took him in out of pity.

Mr C Mingles
(concerned resident)