Sunday, 12 August 2012

Mars Rover Tested In Edinburgh

                (Curiosity negotiates Haymarket tram works last year)
From our Science Corespondent Prof. Charles Minglestein

In another Satire exclusive we can reveal that the multi gazillion dollar Mars rover was secretly tested on the roads and streets of Edinburgh to see if it was worth a toss. And almost failed.
According to NASA's top boffin down the pub, Prof. Dwight Donaldson Jr. It was touch and go for a while.
"It was touch and go for a while", he said as he filled in The Sunday Times cryptic crossword and did a Rubik's cube while he formulated a new theory on the daily specials board between Lasagna and Scampi. "Frankly the whole thing nearly went tits up, and we almost ended up with a squillion dollars worth of scrap as the rover tried desperately to turn right at the top of Palmerston Place and narrowly avoided being banjo'd by a taxi. Then as it frantically tried to get to Gorgie Rd it got its wheels stuck in one of those mesh fence things that are fucking everywhere and fell upside down in a trench. Thankfully after 36 hours of terror it managed to right itself and ask a Korean tourist where to find a crossing point. We were all bricking it and I thought I was going to have to tell the President that our high falootin' trip to Mars had all gone for a ball of shite in some English backwater. At least now we know that if it can get from A to B in Edinburgh it will piss all over anything the red planet can throw at it. At a fraction of the cost of a tram apparently"
Prof. Donaldson then shat himself at the price of a pint of Guinness.



Anonymous said...

Dear Sirs,

I have taken time out from staring at stars and playing the xylophone and that, to tell you that all this Mars malarkey is a complete waste of time and money as man will never walk on Mars. Yes I know I once said that man would never walk on the Moon. But that was a couple of years before it happened and nobody remembers, and they certainly don't bring it up anymore when I'm confidently talking shite on the telly, even though I'm not actually a scientist.

Yours Avuncularly

Sir. Patrick Moore

Anonymous said...

Dear Sirs,

I agree with Patrick Moore back in the olden days. He was right that man would never walk on The moon.
It's a well known fact that the moon landings were faked by Bob Hope in a spacesuit to cover up that him and President JFK were in fact lizards from outer space conspiring with the Illuminati to create a Nazi base in the hollow earth.

Yours Seriously

David Icke

An Hospital