Wednesday, 2 January 2013

100th Satire Article Causes Sensation

Our Celebration earlier. Good. Isn't it

Happy New Year and Ceud mile failte, as pretentious twats who don't speak gaelic say on those fucking awful Hogmanay shows hosted by Jackie Bird, to our 100th article.
Congratulation flooded in from all our reader earlier this morning. What a fantastic journey it has been. Who would have thought all those years ago when Mr. Mingles and myself were unemployed and getting slightly fed up and disgusted with ourselves wildly  masturbating all day, that we would have reached the magnificent zenith of 100. Yes that's right, that's with two zero's. Our 100th article in just under four years. That's roughly a workload of 2.35 articles a month. Phew!
Earlier last year Mr. Mingles and myself got together to discuss this very eventuality. It was a heavy brainstorming session over two skinny lattes in Beanscene well into the we small hours of later that same afternoon. What would it be about? Perhaps an hilarious spoof of a well known talking heads,100 down to 1, nostalgia show. Maybe an irreverent lampoon of a well known political or celebrity figure. Or per chance a live action broadcast starring Ant & Dec, Graham Norton and Pippa Middleton's arse.
In the end after much deliberation and soul searching, we decided we couldn't be fucked really, so here it is in all it's resplendent glory.
What do you think this is? The Onion? Piss off!

"Congratulations on your 100th article and may you die of mange."
Alex Salmond

"The Satire is an inspiration to us all. We can only crouch in it's magnificent shadow."
The Onion

"100 articles in three years? That's not really very good is it?"
AA Gill

"I find your articles puerile, offensive, homophobic, xenophobic and devoid of sensitivity."
Jeremy Clarkson

"I salyoot your indefatigable organ. May the wrath of Allah descend upon your heads."
George Galloway

"Not nearly enough articles about me."
Robert Kilroy Silk

"oooOOOOooooohhh Mr. Tinky winky wonky woo doesn't like The Satire, coz it's like bigoted an stuff, an your rude an nasty to people."

Russel Brand

"Oh God Yeah! Do you remember when The Satire first came out?  It was brill! Along with space hoppers and sherbet dabs and Tiswas and your mum hated it."

Stuart Maconie


Charlie Mingles said...

Well, your grammar still hasn't improved in 4 years. But other than that, well done for noticing. I certainly hadn't.

Congratulations and happy new year to us both.

Charles Mingles esq (Reuters)

Thumper said...

Congratulations to The Satire! I think that to commemorate the 100th issue you could have done what they do in the comics and had one of you killed off by the Green Goblin.

Tom Laird said...

Great idea Thumps. We're working on it. But the best we can come up with so far is to get one of us beaten up by a ginger dwarf for 50 quid.

Any advances?

Thumper said...

They've put their prices up. Time was when you could get beaten up for free by a ginger dwarf in Edinburgh simply by making eye contact with one while walking along Lothian Road.