|Pvt. Walker as he would of looked in his new post, had he not been pan breed years ago|
In a totally unprecedented move never before attempted by any government David Cameron has appointed a dead fictional spiv to a newly created cabinet position.
Pvt. Joe Walker off of Dad's Army, known for his crafty cockney cheeky chappy antics, and his extremely resourceful ability to acquire and procure all sorts of contraband under the most difficult of circumstances. ie- "a bloody war on y'know". Is set to take up the post immediately.
In a statement to the media yesterday, standing in front of a statue of Churchill to give himself gravitas. The Prime Minister claimed.
"Look, these are difficult times we are all living in. Times not unlike the great unpleasantness of 1939 where Britain stood alone against the menace of Johnny Foreigner and his disgusting continental ways. And like the fat bloke immortalised behind me, Sir. Ray Winston. I will not shirk responsibility. Other than to engage in a Putin-esque cock out display like what I did the other week, running about in shorts, crawling through culverts and so forth."
"To this end I have appointed the only man who can drag us through these terrible times. Who can forget his amazing knack of being able to secure bottles of champagne, tights or chocolates for Captain Mainwaring. A pound of beef for Jonesey. Or a thrupence worth of snout for Frazer. All at a knockdown price off the black market. Capitalism in action. How much more could he achieve with the full weight of government behind him? In this our darkest hour."
Asked from across the floor of the house by Ed Balls, what the new "Procurement Tsar" was going to do about the shite economic situation and that. Mr. Cameron replied, " I refer the honourable gentleman to this DVD box set of Dad's Army", which he brandished to his benches to rapturous hurrahs.
James Beck was unavailable for comment today, or indeed any day, as he cowped in 1973.