Friday, 13 September 2013

"The Boys Won't Let Me Plaaay!" Sobs Top Scottish Feminist

Miss MacClinton makes her feelings clear on the Patriarchy not buying her a pony

A top Scottish feminist roared and gret her eyes out at the boys not letting her join in the games yesterday.

Miss Hillary MacClinton(7) of Ravelston Dykes(that's an address not a women's support group) sobbed in the playground..

"I'm so sick and fed up an tired of the boys being mean to me, they never let me play football or soldiers or anything that involves throwing. The only thing they let me play is climbing, so they can see my pants. It's no fair!"

Toby Stevens(8)angrily hit back at her accusations.

"She's just a diva. Whatever that is. She's rubbish at throwing and runs like she's wearing calipers. If she doesn't get her own way she just greets and greets until someone forces us to let her join in. God help us all if she doesn't win. She throws a tantrum. Last week we had a race where the teacher gave her a head start of ten meters. TEN METERS! It was only a 50 meter race for flips sake and she still lost. But she screamed that much that the teacher said Hillary was the real winner and gave her the prize. I'm not playing with her anymore."

Will Graham(6) on the other hand spoke up for Hillary.

"I think she's nice and pretty and I would like to kiss her. Whenever I stand near her I get a warm fuzzy feeling. If I speak up for her and not be like the other boys, she might let me. I think she likes Toby though." He said sadly.

In a shock move the Scottish feminist organisation SWAMT (Scottish Women Against Man Things) made Hillary their Honorary Chairperson yesterday.

"Young Hillary exemplifies the attitudes of the modern feminist and embodies our ethos. We are proud to admit her to our ranks after she finishes her homework." Said SWAMT leader Xena MacHarridan(Still none of your business).

Presenter and women's issues banger onner Kaye Adams(50 and wearing it) waded in.

"As I have been saying on my TV shows, Radio programme and weekly column in the Daily Record, women are denied a voice and have been for to long. Wee Hillary is an example to us all. Mair greetin' and less reasoned debate are what's needed. And you are not seeing MY pants, so there!"

"The boys are beastly, horrible and nasty and smell of poo!" added Hillary.


Antony said...

I liked SWAMT (Scottish Women Against Man Things)

Tom Laird said...

..and they love you to Anthony.