An Annoucement from St James Palace, From the Desk of Their Royal Highnesses, The Duke & Duchess of Kent
The Duke and Duchess of Kent are proud to announce the forthcoming birth of the Antichrist, The Great Counterfeiter, Satan (Hebrew: הַשָּׂטָןha-Satan, "the opposer"), Shaitan, Beelzebub. Although Wills & Kate thought Henry for a boy or Victoria for a girl sounded catchier.
Lucifer, The Great Beast, will be spewed into the world on Christmas Eve by blunt Caesarian Section in wry mocking of the Holy Season and the celebrations of the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ.
And the Waters shall Runneth with Blood. And there Shall be Great Famine, Dis-ease and Pestilence. And there Shall be Fucketh-all on telly worth watching, as usual.
Our First Born Son, Heir to the Throne of England and all of her Colonies, Abomination of Desolation & The Great Whore of Babylon shall take his throne almost immediately, after opening his Anti-Christ-Mass presents and the traditional festive turkey with all the trimmings; before setting forth upon a ten-thousand-year reign of terror and disorder to strike fear and sickening dread into the heart of good Christian men and women across the Land.
Cya! Wouldn't Wanna Be Ya!
Luv Wills & Kate
The Antichrist's proclamation will go ahead instead of the usual Queen's Speech on Christmas Day afternoon.
(Except for viewers in Scotland, who have their own programmes.)
Some other programmes in the schedule following The Apocalypse may be delayed, although the Strictly Come Dancing On Ice Christmas Special will go ahead as planned.