Monday, 10 January 2011
NHS Scotland Appoint New Chief Executive
(Sir Lancelot MacSpratt MBE, OBE, DSO and Bar.)
First Minister Alex Salmond has approved the appointment of a new Chief Executive for the health service in Scotland.
Sir Lancelot MacSpratt has replaced the previous post holder, Dr.Kevin Woods who MacSpratt has tactfully described as "a complete arse!!!". Minister for Health Nicola Sturgeon has also given her approval.
The Former Consultant and Surgeon will begin work immediately. His many duties will include being sarcastic and condescending whilst charging around bullying, and bellowing at underlings and the lower orders in general.
Sir Lancelot has a long and distinguished history in this field having starred in many Doctor at Large type movies where he was the terror of Dirk Bogarde, Leslie Phillips and a string of pretty actresses respectively.
" YOU BLITHERING IMBECILE!!" He roared down the phone at our Health Correspondent earlier today. He continued gruffly " Have you the foggiest notion what blessed time it is? Now listen here my good man, I happen to work for a living and have better things to do with my time than stand around chit chatting on the dashed telethingy with the likes of you. Do I make myself crystal clear?"
He then slammed the receiver down on the fingers of a junior Doctor and marched off purposefully to some rousing background music.
James Robertson Justice is Deceased.