Sunday, 27 November 2011

Demis Roussos to Rescue Greek Economy

( Demis and his smouldering swarthy looks that won him millions of gay admirers)

(Below left: An Artist's impression of Vangelis)
Greece has been thrown into a state of tumultuous euphoria by the news that famous hirsute Hellenic he-man Demis Roussos, is to release a new album to turn Greece's economic misfortunes around.
The hard hitting, and uncompromising plan was announced today by EU appointed technocrat Georgiou Georgionapoulapoplaloulapolis earlier this morning.
"I understand that this may seem like to little to late to those of you who do not understand the massive sex appeal, and over production of the Roussos album. To many he's the hairy bloke with a high voice in a dress who sang "Forever and Ever". But to those of us who know love and fancy him he's the Euterpean genius who sang " Rikki-tikki-tikki tikki Tikki rikki rikki my love" in unashamed falsetto. They don't make em like that anymore." He sniffed, wiping away tears of wistful regret.
News of the "Demis God's" comeback was received with mixed emotions in some quarters.
"Mixed emotions my hairy arse!!!" Said Music critic for Greece's popular 'Hirsute Hellenic Sounds" music magazine Nikos Nakhapoupolopolipolis. "Demis has had his day. He's not even that hairy anymore. Last time I saw him he was balding and my 13 year old daughter has better facial hair. You might as well put some young smooth shaver like Justin Bieber out there. At least we'd all want to bum him. No! What you want is Vangelis. Yes! He was the real talent in Aphrodite's Child. So long as he doesn't have Jon Anderson squeaking along like a demented shrew in the back ground. Can you imagine a re-release of Chariots of Fire on the Bouzouki? And, what a beard! What-a- beard!! Sennnnnsational!!!" He then placed a napkin over his crotch.
Some rioters in the streets of Athens were inclined to agree. "It took us years just to get over the shame of Glenn Medeiros just because he had a greek sounding name. Now this shit!" Chanted Costas Costapopoplatonapolis brandishing his beard at our reporter.
Demis Roussos, real name Demis Delirious Delieiroussososososoplolitopolosis was once a guest on The Basil Brush Show and famously blagged his way off of the hijacked TWA Flight 847 by singing Velvet Mornings. He was unavailable for comment as he was busy overproducing his album with a 90 piece orchestra. 


charliemingles said...

Marvelously mainstream commentary Dr Laird.

For the next edition, might I suggest something on Neu! and their views on the impact of latest changes in the Bundesbank?

Anonymous said...

Much as I enjoy Mr. Roussos's "music", I find there aren't nearly enough songs about buying frozen orange juice for some bird you are trying to shag in the hills above Madrid.



Anonymous said...

I couldn't help noticing that Mr. Roussos has a song on his EP called "My friend the Wind".
Well let me tell you Mr. Demis so-called bloody Roussos. I was sitting In the row behind you on TWA flight 847 when It was hi-jacked and your wind is no friend of mine.

Hassan Izz- Al- Din


Anonymous said...

More topical, accessible material about obscure southern Mediterranean folk rock from the early 70's. How are we to grab some of those hungry news of the world readers without going more mainstream? I have a wife to feed now so might I suggest less cock and obscure 70's rock and more tits, bingo and euro- bashing. Can't we tap a few phones and publish the results? Everybodys doing it these days. I'll leave it in your safe editorial hands.

C mingles esq

The Satire! said...

Sadly our editorial budget won't stretch to phone tapping. Feel free to follow Rebecca Wade around eavesdropping on her conversations.
Also feel free to contribute by way of an hilarious up to the minute article about it.