Wednesday, 30 November 2011

Unemployment a Real Boon to Creativity Claims Unemployed Layabout



  (Unemployed layabout and satirical genius Tom Laird enjoying a Holiday in Africa at the taxpayer's expense. SCUM!!)

Being out of gainful employment is a real boost to creativity and should be encouraged says 44 year old slacker and self styled Editor in Chief of the on line satirical colossus that is The Satire!
In between bouts of chronic onanism Mr. Laird told himself. "This unemployment lark is fantastic. I don't know what the hell everyone is worried about. I can lay around in my festering wank machine all day if I like. Watching endless episodes of Frasier and Blackadder. Then of an evening I can stay out late on the pish not having to worry about dragging my sorry corpse out of my pit and going to my so called "work". 
Asked about how he intended to pay his rent or buy food Mr. Laird just grunted and disappeared back under the duvet with a copy of Big and Busty. Constant masturbation not withstanding Tom has managed to knock more than one out. In the last few days he's turned out more articles than he has in the preceding year. Seemingly backing up his theory.
"Ok, Ok. They might not be very funny." He said, strumming away to Escort. "But I thoroughly recommend telling your boss to shove the lucrative job up his arse. Before you know it you'll be giving that bastard B.P Perry at IV a run for his money on the funny stakes. I ask you? Who needs a job in the current climate, what with Christmas coming up and that? Anyway I'm not unemployed. I'm having a hiatus. You know, doing a gap year. I'm going to go inter railing round Europe." He laughed and laughed maniacally .
Tom Laird is almost 45, still has his own teeth and is available for sexual favours at reasonable rates.


3 comments:

Anonymous said...

This man is typical of today's entitlement culture. I think he should be shot with bullets made of his own shit. On second thoughts No! He should be shot with bullets made of MY shit. He should get on that bike he couldn't be arsed fixing in the last year and a half and look for work.

Norman Tebbit

Westminster.

PS. I much prefer 'Barely Legal Teens' for my daily grumble.

Thumper said...

Is that really you Tom? I thought you'd be taller.

The Satire! said...

Ha!

A Schoolboy error Thumps. In fact the staircase behind me is much bigger than you think it is.
Most people find I'm a lot less like Terry Thomas than they thought I was.