Wednesday, 30 November 2011

Gordon Lightfoot Finds Someone Creeping Round His Back Stairs

                                  ( Gordon Lightfoot: "Surprisingly unfazed")

Canadian troubadour Gordon Lightfoot found someone creeping round his back stairs yesterday evening yet remains disappointingly and surprisingly unfazed by the incident.

At 18:00 Hrs Eastern Standard Time (around dusk) yesterday evening, Corporal Marty 'Moose' MacGonagal,of 'A' Division Ontario RCMP took the call.
"We received the call telling us that Mr. Lightfoot had reported a disturbance and a possible intruder on the stairs at the rear of his Condo. My partner Constable Larson and I just stared in horror at each other. My God, I thought. Gordon's been banging on for years aboot how someone should 'take care!' if he ever foond them creeping aroond his back stairs. Frankly we expected a bloodbath. Or at the very least we'd find someone beaten to death with an acoustic guitar eh. We flew along that 401 to Mississauga at top speed eh.

But when we arrived at the condo we just foond Mrs. Lightfoot looking a bit like a queen in a sailor's dream pointing oot a man wandering away doon the street. She was quite agitated and I couldn't help feeling she wasn't saying what she really meant. However when we stopped the man, sure enough he had indeed been at Gordon's residence, but had a reasonable enough explanation. When I told the guy who's stairs he'd been on he nearly shit himself. It was a close call. Mr. Lightfoot just sat on his balcony the whole time looking surprisingly unfazed and singing 'If you could read my mind'. Which I suppose could be a bit sinister but all in all it was somewhat of an anti climax."

Gordon Lightfoot is 73 and pisses all over Alanis Morissette's whiny shite.


Anonymous said...

I can really relate to the odd sense of disappointment here. I remember standing on Elvis's Blue suede shoes once at a charity bash. I thought 'fuck me he's going to kick my shite in' but instead he just laughed and told me how much he loved me in Summer Holiday.

Sir Cliff Richard


The Satire! said...

Come on Readers!

Which celebrity threat have you dishearteningly discovered to be full of wind and pish?

Perhaps you failed to get the party started after PINK came up and she didn't boot you in the bollocks.

Maybe you stared at Rick Davies and Roger Hodgson of Supertramp's girlfriends all night and didn't even get as much as a glass in your face.
Could it be that Santa Clause came to town anyway after you'd cried and pouted like a teenage girl on her dabs for weeks, and Bruce Springsteen didn't take a dump in your stocking.

Let The Satire hear about your favorite celebrity gobshite. The best one will win a a bit of mouldy leftover cake from Charlie Mingles's wedding.

Anonymous said...

I think that would have been funnier with a song anybody hard heard of. Still, I guess it keeps you off the streets.

C Mingles

Anonymous said...

Yes I'm sorry Charles. I couldn't come up with anything relating to Kylie Minogue for you.
Must try harder. Anyway. Now that you get the gist. Perhaps you may try contributing to the competition. Though I admit a piece of your own wedding cake isn't much of a prize.

Anonymous said...

Comment on my own site that I build with my own bare hands sir?! The very idea.

C Mingles esq