Tuesday, 6 January 2009

Byff Byford Embroiled In Hip-Hop Outrage Confusion

(Left: Byford  fakes a heart attack
to avoid Fans's fury)

               (Above: Furious Saxon Fans)

Aged rockers Saxon were in hiding yesterday, after a furore erupted over the rumour they were "selling out", and going to do Hip-Hop. The Satire can exclusively reveal.
Heavily Mentalist Byff Byford(73), the lead singer of the band that were once at the forefront of the so called New Wave Of British Heavy Metal, was forced to cancel a gig and go into hiding when fans stormed the stage at The Tumbledown Dick pub in Farnborough Hants. The band were half way through a nationwide tour that takes in Aldershot, Frimley Green, Bagshot, Farnham and culminating In an open air festival in Barnsley where they were to support Dumpy's Rusty Nuts. All that seems in jepardy now. 
Speaking through the letterbox of The Restwood Lodge  B&B , 76 Woodham Rd Woking ,Mr Byford told The Satire. " Fook off yer Jock Bastards, before yer give the game away." Later our reporter managed to contact Saxon's Tour Manager Doreen Crowley(53, no relation.) who told us. "There seems to have been the most terrible misunderstanding, in a recent press release we revealed that the band were indeed "selling out" all the venues on their current European tour and that Byff would be going in for a long awaited "hip opp" at Royal Hallamshire Hospital Sheffield when the tour was over. We just hope the fans will realise their mistake and calm the fuck down." 
There was some good news for the band this morning when it was reported by our source in the USA that a mediation team lead by Dave Ling and Geoff Barton managed to rescind a Fatwa issued by Eric Adams of Man O' War that called for the Barnsley Boys to be "beaten to death with rolled up copies of Classic Rock and thrown into the river Styx(sic)" . Also in a serendipitous tragedy Steve"Ponce"Dawson was set upon by a gang of Gumby jacketed thugs and beaten unconscious with his own base.
Byff Byford will be joined in hospital by Mr Dawson and David Coverdale whos colon is giving him awful gip.


Anonymous said...

This only goes to highlight how ridiculous these old rockers are. They should retire with dignity and let other younger bands come through. If they are not making fools of themselves like this then they are selling out to The Man and doing commercials on TV.

It's pitiful

Mr. I Pop

Thumper said...

That made me laugh out loud.

I saw Dusty's Rusty Nuts at The Venue in Edinburgh in 1987 or so. Go on, beat THAT!

The Satire! said...

Aha! Getting our gumby jacketed cocks out on the table here are we. I see your Dumpy's Rusty Nuts At the venue and raise it with seeing them at the Bulldog Bash, Recently seeing Focus and The Crazy World of Arthur Brown at The Caves, and finally if you look closely at my pic you'll see a genuine Saxon tattoo.

Sad. Isn't it.