Fat Davey Is New Face of Versace

(Fat David: 1979.The Halcyon days . Sporting his summer collection outside his council house in Fife)

A Cowdenbeath Man has landed a top modeling job with a famous fashion designer.

Fat Davey aka David Donaldson(56) from Woodend, broke the astonishing news to his incredulous mates down at The Glen Tavern last Friday night after the bingo. Davey's Mother Cathy(84) was the first to offer him her congratulations. "He was always a right good lookin' boy. Not as good lookin' as his father but he's always had a way with the ladies." She said proudly." I've never met any of his girlfriends, but whenever he gets in from work I make him his tea, and he tells me about all the women that are after him. Britney Spears is one of them. I think she bides in Lochgelly or somewhere exotic like that. So it came as no shock to me that yon Tally fella gave him a job. Apparently he was asked to be Bruce Willis in one of they Die hard movies. But he turned it down to nurse me when I had bunions. He's a good boy."

Others were a tad more skeptical. "He's a spinning cunt!" Spat Wullie Menzies(46). What's the fat fuck modeling? Bras? He talks utter shite, take it from me come this time next week he will still be driving the 33 and telling us he gave up modelling coz they wanted him to do nude work. Wanker."

" The only thing Davey is a model of is a fat waster." Echoed bar maid Gail Robertson(28). "He's always tryin' to chat me up and get into my knickers by tellin' me his tall tales. The best one is when apparently Him and George Clooney got into a fight over a bird in a Dunfermline night club. It ends up with Davey banging Clooney's head off the floor shouting ' Have ye had enough yet Geordie? Have ye? Eh? Eh?Eh? ' In rhythm with the thumps. He then picks up Clooney and throws him at the bouncers. After that he takes George's girlfriend home and shags her. I don't believe a word of it. Especially the bit about the shag."

Fat Davey was unavailable for comment as he was on a photo shoot in Dubai with the Pussycat Dolls.