Thursday, 31 July 2008

Church Of Scotland Minister Slammed For Using The 'G' Word

(Pictured: The controversial cleric relaxes at his Morningside home)

A Church of Scotland minister was today suspended after rashly using the 'G' word in one of his weekly sermons.

The Minister, Reverend Michael Meekie of Kirkcaldy Parish Church used the term casually in his regular themed Sunday sermon on 'Doing unto others ...'

A senior spokesman for the Church told us, ' I don't know what Meekie was thinking. It's okay to refer to god indirectly of course and in private. There's no way round that one, unfortunately.

'But we never use the term directly, if we can help it, and certainly never in church! The punters would run like blazes. We prefer instead to let them think it's all about the cakes, the jumble sales and shite newsletters.

'If they thought for a second that G.O.D had anything to do with it they'd flee like rats, and we'd all be fucked. I need this job. there's bugger all else I'm qualified for. Leave the religion to the Catholics, that's what I say'

ill-informed commentators, attempting to take their minds of their own miserable lives, immediately began calling for Mr Meekie's resignation and public execution. Whilst members of his parish were quickly seen to rally round and had this evening gathered outside his Morningside home to openly burn effigies of the obviously evil bearded heretic.

Prime Minister Gordon Brown was quick to capitalise on the incident. ' I knew Meekie was scum,' he told us. ' The man's despicable masterplan has obviously been to bring down the country from within and his diabolical, hook-handed, medieval ways have almost brought this country to its knees with bankruptcy. Thankfully, now that he is in chains, we can go forward into the bright future as one nation. Five more years!'

He was then led away by his nurse.

Mr Meekie is said to be considering his position and was today unavailable for comment.

1 comment:

nursemyra said...

his nurse?

it wasn't me!