Tuesday, 29 July 2008

Credit Crunch Hits Street Vendors

Argyle St. was in uproar yesterday at the dismal news that Big Macaroon bars and the famed "last of the White Socks" would no longer be two for a pound now.

" It's a scandal" spat Mrs Ina McTights(21)struggling to contain her rage, "I'm a pensioner and have very few pleasures in life now that I can't afford batteries. If I cant even afford the odd big bar of Macaroon then whats the point? I would gas maself if I could afford the bill."

A disappointed Archie McFail(43) also vented his spleen. " I have to tuck my trackie bottoms into a pair of old fishing socks these days. They are green. It just looks daft. Thatcher has a lot to answer for."

Many vendors were reluctant to comment yesterday, but one Shugie Weasel agreed to speak to us.

" Look" said Mr. Weasel glancing furtively about. " I don't like it anymore than anyone else. I used to be able to shout 'two for a pound', now its two for £1.13 it just disnae work. It's events ma man. The price of breaking and entering these days is literally through the roof, an ye just cannae bribe truck drivers wi a couple of packets of fags anymare. Talkin aboot fags, are ye interested in 200 Marlboro lights?"

This is the first price rise in 30 years in the renowned Glasgow thoroughfare. A few people however actually welcomed the news.

"Thank Christ" said Frankie Douglas(40), an electrician from Partick. "Maybe they will all piss off. I mean how many pairs of socks can someone go through, an was there ever any real requirement for Big Macaroon bars?"

Number 10 downing street issued the following statement today.

" The Prime Minister and the New Labour government deplore this opportunistic rise in the price of street goods. Especially Big Macaroon bars that the PM was very fond of as he was always losing the wee ones down the back of the couch. This is the very kind of issue that Gordon Brown is committed to tackling, and indeed would if he could find his arse with both hands. We now call upon the press to leave us alone. It's not our fault."

Neither the public nor the vendors will take any comfort in that.

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