Monday, 10 November 2008

Dangerous New Toy On Shelves

The governement was today warning of a dangerous new Christmas toy on the shelves, which could damage children if played with in the wrong way.

The Fisher-Price ‘Hattori Hanzo’ samurai sword can slice a man in two with just one blow - but the manufacturers say that used sensibly it can bring even very young children hours of fun.

Company spokesperson Davie Donaldson told us, ‘This news scare is just nonsense. Under proper supervision, the ‘Hattori Hanzo’ samurai sword can be used by children between 3-7 years to harmlessly slice tin cans, furniture and pets clean in two! The very idea that they would use it on themselves or their parents is patently absurd.’

This is the second of such scares in as many years. Last year Fisher-Price released their controversial baby-garrote, inspired by an episode of The Sopranos.

A spokesman for The Trading Standards Office told us, ‘ This is all part of the tradition at this time of year. We know it’s the run up to Christmas when these crazy scare stories start to appear. Besides, only a handful of working-class babies strangled their mothers last year - and most of them were lone parents. So I really don’t know what all the fuss is about.’

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Dear Satire,

Thank you so much for your timely warning on these potentially lethal toys. It's a scandal. I for one will be returning mine back to Victor Morris and getting my 8 y.o son a crossbow instead.
It's a pity you were not so bloody smart last xmas when my toddler Shakira nearly choked to death on one of these so called pet hamsters. Cage these dangerous beasts.
I blame Thatcher.

Maureen MacGlinchie